Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
