I saw his package. It spoke to me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize
