I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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