so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
