remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
