dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
