so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
