Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
And then he peed in my hair
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