I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
