do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Randomize
