do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
