Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Randomize
