my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
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