K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
