Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
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