cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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