Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
