SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
