He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
