Little spoons don't ask big questions
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I licked your asshole in confidence.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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