Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
