In the future we'll all be gay
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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