wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
