just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize