I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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