we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
