DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
