Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
