Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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