What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize