we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
