This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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