I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
