Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
