you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
