so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
smell my finger.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
