it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
My liver just broke up with me...
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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