Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
