she sounds like chewbacca in bed
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
