My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize