remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
