haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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