Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
