Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
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