I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
