Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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