Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize