wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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