You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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