People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
