Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
