How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Randomize