Whats the glycemic index on semen?
he was CRYING into my vagina
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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