I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
