so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
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