She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
you had me at cake vodka
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Randomize
