yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
