How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
