I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
