please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
