did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
