She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize