i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize