I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Randomize
