I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize