When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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