I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
