I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
