The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
