And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
